


Not Quite Pissing a Rainbow

by Applepie



Series: Pissing a Rainbow [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Pissing a Rainbow, They're messing with Kakashi, and the Hokage likely set him up, because they can
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-28
Updated: 2013-07-28
Packaged: 2017-12-21 14:35:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/901424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Applepie/pseuds/Applepie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Naruto is not quite pissing a rainbow, Sakura actually is from the future, and Sasuke still is a horrible actor. As for Kakashi ... well, he’ll get used to his new genin team. Eventually.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Quite Pissing a Rainbow

**Author's Note:**

> Any minor inconsistencies you might find in Part 2 wrt Part 1 is mainly because I never expected "Pissing a Rainbow" to have a second part when I wrote it. One day, while rereading it, I suddenly decided I wanted to expand on the story and somehow make some sense of the thing. So Part 2 and 3(which there will be) happened!

It all started when the Hokage decided that Kakashi should stop being such a reclusive pervert, and forced a team of three onto the silver-haired man.

Kakashi hated his genin team before he stepped foot into the academy classroom to collect his students. He hated them before he even knew who was placed in his cell. And he hated them immeasurably more when he did.

In fact, while he was at it, the moment Kakashi slammed open the classroom door, "my first impression is that I -"

"- hate us?" the pinklette of the group asked sweetly, amusement in her tone.

Kakashi hid a glare from her as he mentally recalled her name. "No, of course not. Don't be silly." He waved Sakura off,  "What kind of sensei do you take me for?” The man cleared his throat, “Now, enough chit chat and meet me-"

"-up on the roof?"

Kakashi glowered at her innocent tone before he _shunshin-_ ed away without another word. Damn her for stealing his thunder.

* * *

 

“Alright. Let's start with introductions,” Kakashi said when his three freshly graduated academy students finally clambered onto the rooftop like he had asked. “Likes, dislikes, dreams for the future,” Kakashi listed idly.

“I already know you,” Sasuke said boredly from the side where he had plopped himself down the moment Kakashi had started talking. Naruto elbowed the Uchiha in a fashion Kakashi was certain was supposed to be discreet, but definitely wasn’t in any way, shape, or form. Nevertheless, the Uchiha sat up straighter and proceeded to retract his previous comment. "Oh, I mean, I can't wait to get to know you," he said with his onxy black eyes widening comically in exaggerated innocence.

Kakashi just stared at him. _Right_....

“No, really, I've never met you in my life before,” he said, voice curling with cuteness that didn't fit the annoyed expression deep in the boy's eyes.

Kakashi let out a long exasperated sigh.

The Uchiha suddenly glowered at him. “Don’t give me that look,” he snapped irritably.

“What look?” the silver-haired man asked mildly.

Sasuke’s eyes only narrowed further. “You know what I’m talking about.”

“Hmm?”

“You’re thinking that I’m horrible at acting, aren’t you?” Sasuke spat out. “Of course I can act – not that I _am_ acting,” he hastily corrected.

“Of course not,” Kakashi said condescendingly.

“I am not bad at acting! Why does everyone say that? And besides,” The boy urgently looked around their rooftop as if trying to find something, “I have an excuse - I… I …” As if on cue, Sakura suddenly dug into her waist pouch and procured a pink box which she promptly ripped open. She handed it to the Uchiha who accepted it immediately, sticking its contents in his mouth. “I’m eating. I can’t act when I’m eating good food. Call it my single fault, if you will,” he said grandiosely around a mouthful of pocky.

Kakashi tried to pretend he didn’t see the thanking nod Sasuke gave Sakura, who beamed brightly back.

“Don’t worry Sasuke, I’ll bring a box around with me from now on in case this happens again,” the girl said, not all too discreetly.

Naruto clapped his hands together eagerly, “Ooh, can you bring ramen too?”

Kakashi buried his face into his gloved hands. He really wanted no part on this team. Forget procedure; couldn’t he just fail them all already and get it over with? “Likes, dislikes, dreams for the future,” the Jounin repeated forcefully at his kids, trying to stop them from making this meeting longer than it had to be.

The pinklette seemed to take pity on him. “I’ll do it,” she offered dutifully. She began once Kakashi gave her a nod. “Well, my name is Sakura Haruno. My dream is to be trained as a medical nin under Tsunade-sama. I don’t like snakes who are morbidly obsessed with eyes, nor medics who listen to and eventually betray such snakes. I suppose I also don’t like people who are _supposed_ to be dead but really aren’t.” The girl paused, “And as for likes, I like …” she took a shy glance over at Sasuke.

Naruto jumped up at that. “Still?!” The blond cried out, interrupting the girl.

Sakura narrowed her eyes at the boy. Kakashi sighed, hoping they wouldn’t start arguing. “Alright,” the Jounin said before any jealous shouting started, “Since you’ve volunteered, your introduction is next, Naruto.”

The blond ignored him, still sulking with his arms crossed and shoulders hunched.

“Naruto,” Kakashi warned.

Beside him, Sakura rolled her eyes.  “I’ll do it for him,” Sakura said peevishly, “He’s Naruto Uzumaki. He likes ramen and Iruka-sensei. His dream for the future is to be Hokage, as if we haven’t heard him shouting that out loud every other day,” she muttered under her breath. “And dislikes…” Sakura looked thoughtful, “Er, I guess Naruto doesn’t like people who want to harm his precious people.”

Naruto nodded solemnly off to the side.

Kakashi gave an accepting nod before he pulled his attention away from the two to focus on the last Uchiha. “Very good. Next.” Kakashi stared at his last student, Sasuke, who merely diverted his gaze to the pinklette instead.

The girl let out a groan, shaking her head to herself. “I might as well just do you all,” she muttered, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “His name is Sasuke Uchiha,” Sakura said without a pause, “He likes training to become stronger, he doesn’t like people who lie to him or use him for their own purposes, and ... I guess his dream could be to … find justice?”

“Aright,” Kakashi finalized, when Sasuke didn’t speak up to correct her.

Kakashi was about to move on, but Sakura continued talking, oblivious. “And finally, you are Kakashi Hatake,” the girl said, oddly completely confident of what she was saying, “You have no intention of telling us your likes and dislikes. Your dreams … and you have many hobbies,” she concluded in a deviously eerie word-for-word telling of his own script.

Sakura looked over at him as if expecting confirmation, but Kakashi merely narrowed his eyes.  “Is that so?” he asked, voice containing a dangerous edge to it.

Sakura froze, eyes widening as if realising how suspicious she sounded.

Kakashi studied the pinklette. The girl ducked her head, but that didn’t stop the Jounin from advancing on the girl, clear caution in his eye.  Naruto, with an unusually precise timing, interrupted him before Kakashi could do anything else. “Hey, Sensei, I just remembered I have something important to tell you.”

“Not now, Naruto.”

The boy continued insistently, “But it’s really, really important! More important than Sakura-chan,” he cried, slipping in between Kakashi and the girl. He refused to budge even as Kakashi glared down at him or tried to push him off to the side. “So, like, remember when I was younger…” the boy persisted.

“Not now.”

“… and you used to watch me pee-”

Kakashi froze. His head whipped towards the blond’s face. “That never happened,” he cut in, trying to ignore the hushed silence, and the wide-eyed stares the other two Genins were giving him.

“Oh.” Naruto frowned. “Then do you remember when you used to stalk me in the village, all day long? You used to follow me from my apartment to Ichiraku, and to the park, and when I visited the Old man, and … well, to everywhere, while you hid behind things so I wouldn’t notice you. And then there was that time you followed me while I was peeing-“

“That never happened,” Kakashi reiterated firmly.

Naruto tilted his head to the side. “You have a horrible memory, Sensei.”

“Just move on.”

The blond, however, was clearly having nothing of it. “How do you not remember? How many other seven-year-olds did you regularly spy on?”

“Kakashi’s a pervert? I never would’ve guess,”Sasuke cried in disbelieving shock. Of course the fact that the Uchiha’s ‘shock’ seemed to be slipping towards sarcasm didn’t help Kakashi’s case. Because the innocent face Sasuke was forcing on, coupled with the tone of his voice, suggested the worst.

“Sasuke?! You spied on Sasuke too?” Naruto shouted out. “I thought I was special!”

“Forget it, Naruto,” the Jounin hissed, starting to hate the Uchiha’s inability to act and the misunderstandings his inept abilities brought with it. “Just get to the point.”

Naruto glowered for a second longer before he looked thoughtful, blinking to himself. “Oh, right.” He scrunched up his face, scratching his chin, “hmm, what was it again?” he wondered out loud.

“Na. ru. to.”

Naruto’s face lit up suddenly. “Oh yeah, remember when I told you the Kyuubi makes my pee colourful? Well, I was lying,” he confided proudly.

Kakashi took a deep breath. “That’s great to know,” he finally said in a satirical growl.

The blond ignored - or more likely didn’t notice - his tone. “But, but, I wasn’t lying completely!” he exclaimed. He leaned forwards towards his sensei, lowering his tone. “I can still draw pretty pictures with my urine,” he whispered as though he was divulging to him an astonishing secret.

“That's very good to know,” Kakashi hissed out between clenched teeth.

“I know, right?” Naruto grinned happily, before continuing, “I felt guilty for tricking you, and I didn’t want you to end up referencing false information in the future.”

Kakashi started blandly at the blond. “And you figured there would’ve been no chance what-so-ever that I would _ever_ consider questioning the believability of your urinating rainbows because of a demon sealed in your stomach? And I would have _never_ realised how ludicrous it sounded?”

Naruto frowned. “Oh.” He paused, “Was this before or after I gave you the hint that dogs were colourblind?” he wondered curiously.

The Jounin rubbed his temples, trying to quell his urge to throw them all off the side of the building. But wait! Kakash’s face suddenly lit up. He was free! The kids were all done their introductions – or rather, Sakura had done it all for them with her freaky all-knowing-knowledge-that-really-seemed-like-a-security-problem-and-he-should-really-throw-her-to-the-T-and-I unit-for-questioning-like-right-now, but he really didn’t care about that at the moment (the Hokage could deal with her when he shoved the responsibility onto the Old man), because he now permitted to leave without the Hokage breathing down his neck for unceremoniously abandoning the kids.

Kakashi stood up from his slouch. “That’s all for today,” he said, clapping his hands together once to get their attention. “Tomorrow you have survival training with me.” He couldn’t help the sadistic giggle that was eager to burst out at the idea of failing them all and never seeing them ever again. “The passing rate is sixty-six percent. Those who fail will be sent back to the Academy.” Kakashi paused for a dramatic effect, also sneaking a look at their faces at the same time. None of the seemed shocked at the prospect of repeating the Academy , but then again, maybe the idea hadn’t sunk in yet. Kakashi shrugged internally before moving to finish his speech. “One final things, kids; don’t –“

“Don’t eat breakfast because we’ll throw up,” Sakura finished easily for him.

Kakashi glared at her. “Meet me-“

“-at Training field 27 at six o’clock sharp?”

 Kakashi let out a low grunt before _shunshin-_ ing away without another word. He had an odd, odd feeling the Hokage set him up with these particular kids on purpose, that evil old man.


End file.
